Settled.

Settled. That’s how I feel right now. Life the past few months has been chaotic but harmonized, difficult but manageable, tiring but exciting. Since July of this year I have travelled 14,000+ miles, with a mix of flying and driving (probably half and half!). I was feeling unsettled. As though I didn’t have a home...but I do have a home. The meaning of home to me is now not a place but a people. Home is my family. Not a state. Home is my friends. Not a city. Home is much more than this life has to offer. It is a glimpse of where my true home is. Not of this earth. But for now, home is a people. People I love. People who love me. 

I love the northwest. I love the outdoors. I love nature. There is something spiritual, healing, majestic and peaceful about being surrounded by trees, mountains, quietness, away from the hustle and bustle of city life (which I love city life, too! it’s nice to have both not too far from each other). I thought maybe this would be my new home but the last few months I have learned about the definition of what home truly means. I am sitting in my new apartment, feeling settled. I have experienced love, stress, frustration, new friendships, contentment, death. I have felt hurt through what my best friend has gone through. I have been stretched beyond my comfort zone. I have been stretched and tested in my faith. I am learning to love someone, what it means to love and be loved. Allowing myself to be completely vulnerable. I am in a season of life where I know who I am and am continually growing (Do we ever get to a point where we know who we are completely? Life changes, is dynamic, therefore I change.), what I would like out of life, what/who is/are the most important in MY life and in life in general. 

It’s been non-stop. But I would not change the last few months for anything. It has been the most fun, challenging, physically exhausting, emotionally tiring time I have been through but the memories made, the laughter shared, the love expressed, felt and known…no, I don’t want to change anything. At all.

I feel settled. Not because of the physical place I am in but how I feel about where I am in life. How the circumstances and journey of life has changed, stretched, challenged and molded me (and continues to do so). I am curious where God will take me in this fleeting thing called life but for now I hope to live for today because who knows if I will see tomorrow. 

Change is good!

There has been so much that has changed in the last few months. Moving away from home was one of the most difficult and easiest decisions I have ever made. Make sense? :) Moved away from family (difficult). I wanted to travel and experience different parts of the US (easy). I never realized how this experience would have changed me, shaped the person I am today, strengthen me emotionally, spiritually and mentally, challenge me in my work and health. Make me re-evaluate my life and beliefs. Asking myself, "What in my life is suppressing my desire to want to live life to the fullest? (That's an easy answer, fear. Fear of failure. Fear of what others may think. Fear of the unknown. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear, why you gotta be creepin? It can be a hard emotion to overcome but this journey has made me braver. Braver than what I was before. Actually, as I have aged I have overcome different aspects of fear.) How does my life look as a single Christian woman? How am I loving my family? Friends? Others? What am I doing to make the world a better place? Am I giving of my time, talents (not that I have many!) and/or finances to others in need?" And much more in depth questions and thoughts discussed with my roommate, Natalie :)

This is such a different season of my life that I have thoroughly enjoyed. I know this may sound sad but I have never ENJOYED a season in my life. I have GROWN from many different seasons but never enjoyed AND grown. Childhood, young adulthood, beginning of adulthood, all was HARD. I suppressed much of my feelings about how my life was as a child/teenager, not wanting anyone to know how much hurt, anger and bitterness I was actually feeling (only my sister knew). Oh but if that Bela didn't go through what she did, this Bela wouldn't be who she is today.

I am trying to love each day that God has given me. After all, I don't know when my time will come. When my health may fail me. (As a nurse, I come across young adults younger than me or around my age affected by some kind of devastating accident, illness or cancer and realize the same could happen to me). I find myself meditating on the words William Borden wrote at different times in his bible, "No reserve. No retreat. No regrets." May I have the same mindset as I go through this thing called life!

Enjoyed this hike along Lake Coeur d'Alene, ID

Things are a little better

I HATE working day shift. I forgot how much I hated it. There is little time to complete charting and then little time to take care of my patients. It's everything busy and I don't like that it takes away from patient care. A nurse must please the doctors, the patient's family, physical therapy, occupational therapy, case management, social work and the charge nurse! I miss the night shift when it's just the nurse and patient.

Good thing travel nurse assignments are short term.

God reminded me last night that I was praying fervently for this assignment. The one offered to us didn't work out and we didn't have a job at the time and this one popped up in a couple of days. An answered prayer and I have been resenting it. I have been dwelling in my flesh and not in the Spirit and have forgotten how God has answered our prayers. He has me depending on Him constantly. This comforts me and gives me peace for the moment but I know it won't be easy.

Enough of serious talk. My friend from nursing school is a travel nurse and she suggested we bake or bring goodies to work. We have been. ANNNNND that really has helped. People are so much more happier and friendlier when offered sugar. They actually START a conversation with us and not the other way around. So glad she suggested it.

We recently went into SF and went to the Muir Woods to visit some redwoods (so beautiful!) and toured the Golden Gate Bridge.

Breakfast prior in Sausalito

Love the homes in SF and the hills are amazing! 

There were these power lines that were very low to the road which we thought were interesting. Nat made me take tons of pic of it.

 Here are some pics from Muir Woods. The Redwoods were ginormous! This tree above has too many rings to count. It amazes me to think about how these trees have been here for so long and what it has been through. A Spanish missionary founded these woods and dubbed it the "redwood."

Even the bark looks different. 

Golden Gate bridge

We were singing the Full House theme song when we drove on , walked onand saw the bridge.

It was quite windy! Felt like hurricane force winds y'a'll! 

And FINALLY got something in the mail ;) It really made my night. Was getting depressed because Natalie gets TONS of mail. Not really but it seemed like it when I was getting NOTHING!

My First Shift

I completed my first shift. I was so nervous going into it. The night before we made our first fire in our apartment. It was so cozy and relaxing and calmed my nerves! 

My first evening shift was pretty busy but I had an awesome CNA and one of the people we oriented with was there with me. I felt better knowing there was someone I knew. It's so odd working at this hospital because the charge nurses never come to check in on you or to see if you need any help. Even when I was orienting no one came to check up on the nurse. I miss my fellow coworkers at Shands! Love you guys ;) 

Overall it was one of those busy shifts which is ok as long as its not busy because your patients are coding. Ya know what I mean?

I definitely enjoyed being on my own. When I oriented with a nurse she had certain expectations and when it was not done correctly, at a certain time or quickly she would take over and not allow me to do things on my own (which I kind of don't blame her since she doesn't know me as a nurse). Being on my own for the first time was overwhelming but I felt like me again. A nurse who loves taking care of her patients. 

I'm still nervous because of working day shifts. Still have 11 more weeks to go!

Today, Nat and I took a walk at the park on the road we live on (Lake Chabot Rd). 

Nat discovered this trail that gives you a beautiful view of the east bay and SF. It was no "walk in the park!" to get there. Haha The hills are STEEP. I wanted to roll on the ground and  die after climbing that hill. But "the view is worth it," as Nat would say. It was.

The picture below is Lake Chabot. We were wondering when we would come across it. People were kayaking and in paddle boats. We plan on going paddle boating on our next day off. I am so excited!

Another, closer view.

Love the weather here. Hardly any humidity, my hair has been looking decent these days!

You can't tell but there was a perfect, close view of SF. I've realized we have talked a lot about SF and have only gone in once (at night) but don't worry we are actually planning on doing things IN SF!

An end to our day. Our first home cooked meal. Tired of eating sandwiches all the time! Please feel free to mail us goodies. Just sayin ;)