Oh, 2016.
I dub thee the year of firsts.
In order-ish:
First year of marriage.
First year of working with retired nuns - I needed a break from the hospital life and boy did I get one!
First year of husband getting diagnosed with cancer.
First year of a lot of tears.
First year of radiation everyday for 5 weeks.
First year of being told we won't be able to have our own kids.
First year of surgery and hospital stay.
First year of getting a cancer-cat (a cat you get when you have cancer).
First year of truly experiencing what community means within the church - finding friends outside of the church that are part of THE church.
First year of having in-laws live with us for a month and half and LOVING EVERY BIT OF IT EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I LOVE IT, smh.
First year of $300,000 in medical expenses. Yes, that's why health insurance is so important AND there are people who cannot afford it. And yes, inserting a #healthcareissue here.
First year of husband becoming a sarcoma-cancer survivor, yay! - way to beat cancer's ass, babe!
First year of a Trump-ed presidency (don't be surprised, you know you saw that coming).
First year of officially turning old - 30 - and experiencing the "that didn't hurt before."
Oh, 2016. You were a roller coaster of emotions.
We walked into it looking forward to celebrating our first year of marriage and thinking about changing jobs and moving.
Instead a few months later we found ourselves putting life on hold.
Feeling unstable. uncertain.
Exhausted. emotionally drained.
When we look back on the past year there are couple of things we both are blown away by:
1. The hub's workplace was INCREDIBLY supportive of him. I
didn't realize this but it is hugely helpful and makes life A LOT
less stressful when your work supports you and helps you in
anyway they can. My workplace was also very supportive. Within
a few weeks of being hired I told them the news and the answer I
got was, "just let us know when you want to come back." I mean,
seriously. That's a big deal.
2. After his diagnosis in April '16, we felt very alone though we
talked/skyped/face-timed with family and friends. Every
month after his diagnosis and sometimes multiple times per
month we had our people stay with us. We didn't know it at the
time but it meant the world to both of us. We know these folks
could have done something else with their time and expenses but
they decided to travel and be with us knowing we wouldn't be
doing much.
We seemed to handle the year of firsts with calmness.
And we know that that calmness comes from our faith.
We both have a heavy past and have experienced the love, faithfulness and provision of our God.
So regardless of what life may bring us we know God is with us. Always walking beside us,
In our lowest.
In our highest.
In our doubting.
And in our certainty.
P.S. I just realized after posting this that what happened to us in 2016 deserves to be in 2016, #twasashittyyear
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Friday, February 26, 2016
Nakedness
I've been thinking about a lot of different things lately.
Most recent of which has been about pornography.
And naked bodies.
I'd like to start with my thoughts on our naked bodies. Nakedness is not something to be ashamed of. God CREATED our bodies. It's make up is incredible. The trauma it can handle is miraculous. It houses our incredibly functioning organs that are always working around the clock and doing things that are complex and intricate. It heals itself. It HEALS. ITSELF. That's crazy. As a nurse, I have witnessed first hand a patient's body go from self-destruct to self-healing with/without help from medicine.
It brings us the greatest. intimate. pleasure. And sometimes disappointments.
I grew up in a pretty conservative family and geographical location. My mom NEVER talked about sex. The only thing I remember is when I started my period she said, in her sweet Indian accent, "Don't hang out with boys." The church talked about sex but only in light of abstinence (that was my personal experience). There wasn't anyone I could talk with about it. And not necessarily just sex. But our beautiful, nakedness. No one talked about how they appreciated his/her body and the things it can do.
I learned about sex from television, school and friends. But even then it wasn't like I really learned about it. It was a distorted view of sex for sure. (A distorted view of what the body "SHOULD" look like). It was more like I knew the word, and there were a couple of body parts involved and people always enjoyed it. And it was quick. I guess many of us learned it that way from conversations I've had.
I remember I felt shame, awkward and embarrassed talking about or thinking about it. It was uncomfortable. And I think it stemmed from not having an appreciation for the naked body or my own. Not respecting my own body and what it can do. What it is capable of. Not having a mature conversation about sex and our nakedness. (I mean, there was definitely some immaturity all across the board growing up but does that come from what and how we were taught or not taught? - something my husband and I have been discussing).
My body is strong and resilient. Sometimes it fails me. I know one day (maybe) I can house a baby INSIDE OF MY BODY. (That always seems so 'alien' to me - the fact that a woman's body nourishes another human inside of itself. Crazy, miraculous).
I was never taught about the naked body in the sense of appreciation and respect.
Were you?
I've been thinking about my future children (if we have any - I also think about the young folks in my life). My husband and I desire for them to appreciate and respect not only their own bodies but other peoples bodies. And its differences from one to the other. We desire to be an open book (depending on age, of course - we actually desire to be an open book about everything) to them. We want to talk about it even if they are uncomfortable or we're uncomfortable. We want to take what we learned from our childhoods and teach our children to have a HEALTHY view of nakedness and sex. (At least try to. I'm not a parent yet so it may be difficult. And not necessarily our future children but in any conversation that may come up with our friends and/or family). And a healthy view on other topics but that would expand into a MUCH LONGER post.
What do I mean by healthy? Good question.
That leads me to pornography. An unhealthy view of nakedness and sex. Many people either peruse it now and then or have an addiction to it - men and women. Pornography demeans women (and men). It is an unrealistic expectation regarding sex and someone's nakedness. Some of it involves extreme underage boys and girls and boys and girls who are not legal (16/17 yo but look older) and who may have been forced into the sex trafficking industry. It destroys. Children are looking at it (I've experienced it myself and in other kids lives when growing up) and those close to them are not talking about it so of course their views (and my own) on sex and nakedness was immature and unrealistic and distorted.
I think about those who have an addiction to it. And I think about those who seek help. I have someone close to me that I will reference. This person told me that the support group attended focused on: how to get rid of it by praying and seeking scriptures; boycotting everything and anything that will cause the person to stumble (which nowadays is very difficult as technology and media is available everywhere, all the time, and in some cases absolutely needed for work); and learning how to resist temptation.
What I usually hear about pornography is how it is a sin, how it's destructive and how to help men overcome it. (There are women, too, and that population is growing).
I think something should be added that would be helpful: going back to the person's past. What happened in their past? How did he/she learn about sex and nakedness?
Perhaps we should also talk about how we can react to sex and nudity by appreciating what God did in what He created. How incredibly beautiful our bodies are. How beautiful and important our sexuality is.
I think about the church because sex is a huge deal in our culture but it's not talked about very often within the house of God or within the home. Or it is but more in the sense of "sex should be within a marriage between a man and a woman," "learn to honor each others bodies (within a marriage)," "sex is holy and sacred." Or an approach that is white knuckle purity as my husband would describe it. I didn't hear much more about sex than that. I didn't hear much about nakedness either.
Healthy view of nakedness and sex. When I think of this I ultimately think of respect and appreciation. Respect and appreciation for my body (being kind and good to it, saying nice things about it) leading to respect and appreciation of other peoples bodies.
Maybe if we talked in this way it would help us all out all around? (Body shaming, pornography, rape, bullying...)
Most recent of which has been about pornography.
And naked bodies.
I'd like to start with my thoughts on our naked bodies. Nakedness is not something to be ashamed of. God CREATED our bodies. It's make up is incredible. The trauma it can handle is miraculous. It houses our incredibly functioning organs that are always working around the clock and doing things that are complex and intricate. It heals itself. It HEALS. ITSELF. That's crazy. As a nurse, I have witnessed first hand a patient's body go from self-destruct to self-healing with/without help from medicine.
It brings us the greatest. intimate. pleasure. And sometimes disappointments.
I grew up in a pretty conservative family and geographical location. My mom NEVER talked about sex. The only thing I remember is when I started my period she said, in her sweet Indian accent, "Don't hang out with boys." The church talked about sex but only in light of abstinence (that was my personal experience). There wasn't anyone I could talk with about it. And not necessarily just sex. But our beautiful, nakedness. No one talked about how they appreciated his/her body and the things it can do.
I learned about sex from television, school and friends. But even then it wasn't like I really learned about it. It was a distorted view of sex for sure. (A distorted view of what the body "SHOULD" look like). It was more like I knew the word, and there were a couple of body parts involved and people always enjoyed it. And it was quick. I guess many of us learned it that way from conversations I've had.
I remember I felt shame, awkward and embarrassed talking about or thinking about it. It was uncomfortable. And I think it stemmed from not having an appreciation for the naked body or my own. Not respecting my own body and what it can do. What it is capable of. Not having a mature conversation about sex and our nakedness. (I mean, there was definitely some immaturity all across the board growing up but does that come from what and how we were taught or not taught? - something my husband and I have been discussing).
My body is strong and resilient. Sometimes it fails me. I know one day (maybe) I can house a baby INSIDE OF MY BODY. (That always seems so 'alien' to me - the fact that a woman's body nourishes another human inside of itself. Crazy, miraculous).
I was never taught about the naked body in the sense of appreciation and respect.
Were you?
I've been thinking about my future children (if we have any - I also think about the young folks in my life). My husband and I desire for them to appreciate and respect not only their own bodies but other peoples bodies. And its differences from one to the other. We desire to be an open book (depending on age, of course - we actually desire to be an open book about everything) to them. We want to talk about it even if they are uncomfortable or we're uncomfortable. We want to take what we learned from our childhoods and teach our children to have a HEALTHY view of nakedness and sex. (At least try to. I'm not a parent yet so it may be difficult. And not necessarily our future children but in any conversation that may come up with our friends and/or family). And a healthy view on other topics but that would expand into a MUCH LONGER post.
What do I mean by healthy? Good question.
That leads me to pornography. An unhealthy view of nakedness and sex. Many people either peruse it now and then or have an addiction to it - men and women. Pornography demeans women (and men). It is an unrealistic expectation regarding sex and someone's nakedness. Some of it involves extreme underage boys and girls and boys and girls who are not legal (16/17 yo but look older) and who may have been forced into the sex trafficking industry. It destroys. Children are looking at it (I've experienced it myself and in other kids lives when growing up) and those close to them are not talking about it so of course their views (and my own) on sex and nakedness was immature and unrealistic and distorted.
I think about those who have an addiction to it. And I think about those who seek help. I have someone close to me that I will reference. This person told me that the support group attended focused on: how to get rid of it by praying and seeking scriptures; boycotting everything and anything that will cause the person to stumble (which nowadays is very difficult as technology and media is available everywhere, all the time, and in some cases absolutely needed for work); and learning how to resist temptation.
What I usually hear about pornography is how it is a sin, how it's destructive and how to help men overcome it. (There are women, too, and that population is growing).
I think something should be added that would be helpful: going back to the person's past. What happened in their past? How did he/she learn about sex and nakedness?
Perhaps we should also talk about how we can react to sex and nudity by appreciating what God did in what He created. How incredibly beautiful our bodies are. How beautiful and important our sexuality is.
I think about the church because sex is a huge deal in our culture but it's not talked about very often within the house of God or within the home. Or it is but more in the sense of "sex should be within a marriage between a man and a woman," "learn to honor each others bodies (within a marriage)," "sex is holy and sacred." Or an approach that is white knuckle purity as my husband would describe it. I didn't hear much more about sex than that. I didn't hear much about nakedness either.
Healthy view of nakedness and sex. When I think of this I ultimately think of respect and appreciation. Respect and appreciation for my body (being kind and good to it, saying nice things about it) leading to respect and appreciation of other peoples bodies.
Maybe if we talked in this way it would help us all out all around? (Body shaming, pornography, rape, bullying...)
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