Two Words

Cancer.Free.

Two words that couldn't make me happier. 

Two words that gave me the biggest sigh of relief in my life. 

You guys. The love of my life - no, not you, Natalie ;) - is officially cancer.free. 

So many nights. 
Sleepless nights. 
Tears.
Worries. 
Much anxiety. 
Pain in the depths of my soul thinking about living life without him. 
Nights just holding each other, trying not to think the worst.

Much unknown: 
How will surgery go? 
What will be the pathology report? 
Will he still have cancer? 
More surgery? 
Enough short term disability? 
More radiation? 
How will he transition to home? 
How long will his recovery be? 

Oncologist saying, "he should be here 3-4 days and we will go from there."

And then this: 

Him coming out of recovery. Getting to his room. Walking with physical therapy after being in surgery for three and a half hours, having had 4 inner thigh muscles removed. Next day: walking 300 ft and climbing 8.stairs. And then discharged home. 24 hours.Post surgery. 

AND THEN this: Oncologist calls us same day to tell us path report came in and he was officially cancer.free. 

Much. Surprise.
Much. Relief.
Much. Joy.
Much. Peace.
Much. Love.
Much. Support.
Much. Good. 
Much. 
God. 

I felt like I had been holding my breath for 4 months and was finally able to breathe. 


A walker for a few days. Climbing stairs on his own. Killing it with his physical therapy exercises.
He sees his oncologist after a week. We ask, "Is he doing freakishly well?" Replies, "I don't want to tempt the universe and I'm not superstitious but if I were I couldn't say that." A few minutes later, "yes. Yes, you are doing freakishly well. Knock on wood." 


I.love.my.husband. 

Strength.
Courage.
Quiet.
Peaceful.
Patient. 
Calm.
Brave.
Humble.
Cancer.Survivor.